You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
