Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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