Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
