I just gift wrapped bread.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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