1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
