Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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