Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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