State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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