life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
