Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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