I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
