I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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