NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
