They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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