i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Say something about gay babies.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
