My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize