: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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