You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
