Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
