You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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