i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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