Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
