I want to stick my p in your. b.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
