You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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