My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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