U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
