I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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