You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
