Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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