She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
