It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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