i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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