Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
