i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
