Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
