me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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