you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
