I'm going to jail i love you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
