He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
