its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
