Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize