Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
