Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
