Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
