My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
