i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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