Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How's work?
Spinning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
