Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
