i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
