There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize