his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
