I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
