Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
