life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize