oh god the rape fog is back!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
