i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
