Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
