You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
