He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize