You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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