im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
