You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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