Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
stop calling my apartment porn island.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
