Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He passed out mid-signature
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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