I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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