3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
