Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize