If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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