Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
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