I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
