So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
