Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
