Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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