i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
