My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
