Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
