There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
