Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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