im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
