Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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