Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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