You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
