Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
