I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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