I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
