i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize