I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
