i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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