The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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